Thirteen Days!

In less than two weeks, I will be 27 years old. I LOVE celebrations so I'm pretty excited. Especially when I'm celebrating me or love. Which is why St. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I am not excited however, because I am still without a career choice. Although, I've been looking into some...I think I might just go for money, because I always thought, if I can't be happy at work, I might as well be happy at home. And I know that money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys things that make me happy. So, I was thinking about podiatry or optometry because you have to go to school way less time for those professions than you would to be a doctor. Plus, optometry would be so much fun! Don't you think?! Okay, I might be glamorizing it in my head a bit too much...but we'll see.


Career research...


Since my breakdown yesterday, I've been doing some career research. But I have to narrow it down, of course.

I'm not really sure what I WILL end up doing, but I think I definitely want to learn to speak French fluently. That way when I have to move to Canada, I'll be prepared. Haha! Plus, then no matter what career I follow, I will have an advantage in being bilingual. I think I might learn more sign language as well...yes. That is what I am going to do do. French...it didn't take Bronson that long to at least sound like he knew the language well. I'm not quite as quick at learning though. Then I think I want to learn lots about animals and forests. I could be a lumberjack in Canada! <3 Mmmm maple syrup!!! I could just do what I'm going to school for now, and continue just learning at the same time. I wish school didn't cost money though. It should be free for people who just feel like learning lots of things with no intent to make a career out of it. But if I did learn about animals and forests, I could be a forest/wildlife ranger. That would be a hoot! :) I DO love animals. However, I don't know how my knowledge of the French language would help me with animals. Oh well. I do what I want.

I don't know, but I'm kind of excited now. I think I would have to wait until Gregg goes back for Networking. They make tons of money. I hope he decides to, but I want the career before the kids I think. Even though I am running short on time. I do worry sometimes about bringing kids into this world though, so...I think this is the safe way to run it for now.


Feelings About Things

Let me start off by saying, "Welcome to my pity party."

Now, I was just trying to type myself a bio, but then I remembered that my life isn't all that interesting. I've had aspirations throughout my life just like any other human being, but I feel like I'm getting too old, I'm not smart enough, and my interests are so scattered that I can't follow just one dream of mine. It sucks feeling stuck like this. I wonder if I had been encouraged more to do particular things from my family and friends if I would have been happy with where I'm at and what I've done. I will take one negative comment, and then everything will suddenly disappear from my mind as if it had never been a desire in the first place. Like I'm admitting defeat before even trying. I'm good at being a vegetarian, but you can't make a career out of that. I can sing, but I'm too old to try out for American Idol, and even if I had there are many better singers out there than me. I can design things in my mind, and sometimes on paper, but I can't sew and I don't know who on earth would buy my designs, or how to go about doing such a thing.

I remember Amanda writing about her knowing at a very young age that she wanted to be an author and that she had finally made it, and at that very moment, my heart lunged into my gut and I realized that when I was 5, I cared about boys and things that were beautiful and that was basically it. When I was 7, I told my mom I wanted to be a lawyer and she told me that lawyers are dishonest and no one liked them. When I was 12 I wanted to be an architect, but I hate math and I doubt that I'm that creative. When I was 15 I wanted to be a rock star. I still do, but I know it's next to impossible.

Also, I'm in love with humanity and when I think about things that I want to do that I have a talent for, I've always shoved it aside if one of my friends or family were pursuing that dream first. I don't want to compete with my loved ones for the same thing. I couldn't do that to them. You know, steal their dreams.

Now, I want to go to school for something my dreams are begging for, but like I said, I feel like I'm getting too old. I would consider architecture, or something that I have a natural talent for, but I don't feel like those talents are strong enough, and I HAVE to wait until I'm finished with school for what I'm attending now so that I can make money to support my own ass. I don't want to depend on my husband and student loans all my life. I don't want to be so far in debt.

Yes, I'm a jealous person. I'm jealous of everyone's success. I kind of wish I had a second chance at life, and a LOT more time, but if I ever want kids...I feel like I will never be as successful as I've always dreamed of being. I'm almost 30! I have 3 years left until I need to start considering children. I don't want my kids to have the "old mom" of the class. But maybe I don't want kids. I mean, I feel a lot of pressure from some people around me to have kids, but I never thought I would be a very good mom. I'm really selfish and I have a short temper. But I want to name a little girl Mae Anberlin Emery. It's the best name EVER! Her initials would be the same as her whole first name, and her whole name is made up of Christian rock bands. But also, I'm worried if I did have kids, I would have a boy first and I really only want one kid. I would adopt a child, but every time I think about adopting kids, I get this crushing feeling in my gut that I could only love someone that came from me and Gregg with that kind of...kinship. It wouldn't be the same. I want one girl of my own or nothing at all.

Oh, this conundrum I've gotten myself into. How will I ever straighten this out?

I'm actually sad now.


Another Day, Another Concert.

Last night, my husband and I went to another Birthday Massacre concert. This time, they were co-headlining with Black Veil Brides and had guests Aural Vampire and Dommin. It started with Aural Vampire, a sweet/cute/adorable "band" from Japan. It consisted of a VERY cute girl, and what I assume was a guy who wore a black mask. The eyes of the mask would flash red lights and he had text scrolling across his forehead. It was amusing.

The second band to play was Dommin. They were a gothic band from California, and I felt like they were being a little pretentious, but we ended up buying their CD anyway. Also, before their song, "Closure" they asked if any of us wanted to be in their next music video, people cheered, and then they informed us that we were all going to be anyway. Gregg and I were standing somewhere in the back, and I laughed. I was so excited to be in my second music video ever, but then realized that my standing in the back probably meant that you wouldn't see me in that video either. SO, yay. I'm not going to be found in the second music video I've ever been in either.

The Birthday Massacre played third and it was fun. I got to stand closer this time, and of course, being a white girl in New Mexico, I was able to see over most of the people at the concert anyway. That is definitely one thing New Mexico has going for it, I'm always taller than most of the other people in the room. Anyway, during their first song, Owen, their keyboardist, and I locked eyes for a moment and it was pretty fantastic, until it got awkward, so I looked away. I had to. Even though he's one of the very few short guys that I find attractive. The Birthday Massacre was fun, as always, but it was fairly short.

The last band to play was one that I had never heard before, but heard of. When they all came out on stage, I couldn't believe how incredibly perfectly beautiful they all were. One in particular was the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my entire life. And I mean PRETTY, not like handsome or that I'd do that guy, like that guy is SUPER pretty! The prettiest thing in the world. I can't imagine ever seeing anything that was prettier than that guy. Not even a gigantic sparkling diamond on the forehead of a Unicorn with rainbow colored hair!!!!

We actually ended up leaving early because Gregg got annoyed with me and how fascinated I was by this guy, who I later found out goes by the name of Ashley Purdy.

But the concert overall was fun. I would do it again. Except for the fight Gregg and I had after it was over.

Here are photos of the bands and one of Ashley Purdy. The most beautiful thing ever.

Aural Vampire


The Birthday Massacre -
Owen is on the far left (Much cuter in person)

Black Veil Brides

Ashley Purdy -

That is all.


Vegetarians against PETA

I know there are other blogs out there who claim the same as this does, that a lot of vegetarians are against PETA. Here's what I want you to do, vegetarian or not, pro PETA or not, go to a search engine and turn on "image" search. Type in PETA. I'm going to guess that about 90% of the pictures you're seeing are of women with little to no clothing.

Besides the fact that searching PETA is practically like searching porn, if you ARE a vegetarian, going to PETA's website may make you want to scoop your eyeballs out. Your heart might drop and you might feel like puking. How is it logical to shove that in an already vegetarian's face? Sure, if you're trying to convince others to be vegetarian. It's so disgusting, it may work! But honestly...no more PETA for me. Even if it's a contest to meet Sir Paul McCartney. I wouldn't go to their website to do it.

Another complaint I have about being a vegetarian is -- If you're not a vegetarian, and you don't want to be, that's fine. I don't really care. And don't apologize to me for eating animals. That's your business. I would prefer that you didn't for multiple reasons i.e. the environment, and the sake of so many animals who deserve to have long happy lives, but if you're not down with that, great.

I've done reports on being vegetarian and I've talked to people about being vegetarian and they will say "I'm sorry, I love meat too much." I really don't care.

I know that I can't stop people from telling me things and people can't read my mind, so most of them don't know, but I guess I just wanted to get that out there to those of you who read this and might feel compelled to tell me you're sorry and make excuses to ME why you don't want to or can't be vegetarian.

So...it's out there. Thanks for letting it be.

If you WANT to be vegetarian though, I commend you. It takes some effort and requires a lot of compassion. There are many sites other than PETA that will help you on your journey with less in-your-face animal slaughter.

Some of these sites:
http://www.farmforward.com/ (This website does include some photos of the conditions of livestock, but no where near as offensive as PETA)


The Birthday Massacre featuring Denver After Dark...

Gregg and I were lucky enough to get in a small vacation this weekend. We went up to Colorado Springs/Denver. Gregg and I went to Colorado Springs for our Anniversary last year and it was beautiful. I found out that The Birthday Massacre was playing in Denver awhile back so I asked Gregg if we could plan a trip up to Colorado for the weekend for the show. He was super nice about it and gave me 3 and a half whole days in Colorado!

We left on Thursday night and nothing was all that exciting for the entire trip, except for Friday for the show. We were supposed to meet up with a former friend, but we were very bad friends and didn't. But to be fair, I ended up not feeling great on Saturday and we left today so we sort of ran out of time.

So, as far as things to mention, there's not much. The hotel we stayed at was great, and I am going to write them a review, once I get done here, and Colorado Springs offers everything we're missing out on being in New Mexico rather than Minnesota, plus a whole lot more, so we ate well!

Friday we drove up to Denver which is about an hour away from Colorado Springs. I had expected Denver to be gross and run-down and for the whole thing to be pretty unpleasant, but after deciding to get out of the horrible traffic on I 25 we decided to drive in town to get to the venue where the concert was at. That was the first time I got excited for Denver. That place is exciting!

The first side street we came to, we drove past this enormous park where there were TONS of people out running, riding bikes, playing volleyball, rollerblading, walking their dogs, etc. I'd never seen so many people out in public just enjoying themselves without worrying that they were going to be in danger. I doubt any normal person worries that they'll be in danger, but I'm a little more paranoid than a normal person, so I would have been, except that everyone seemed so happy, so I think I would have put that aside to enjoy myself too.

When we sort of got to our destination, we parked in this parking garage in a place called Writer's Square. This place was magical! There were fun looking businesses, lots of cute girls and guys...people walking, people on bikes, people holding hands and being happy and posing for pictures. It was like a commercial for HP printers or Kodak cameras or something. So we walked a bunch of blocks to the theater where the show was going to happen. People everywhere had bikes like mine. I was so excited and wished I had my bike to share its attractiveness with the other attractive bike owners.

I know, weird.

Anyway, the line was short for The Birthday Massacre, but I was like the 3rd cutest girl there for awhile, but then a girl I called Hooks showed up with a bunch of other foxy girls, so I lost. BTW I called her Hooks because she was dressed like a Hooker. But she was super cute anyway. I got super excited cos The Birthday Massacre's tour bus was parked right outside. So much fun. That was the closest I have ever been to a real Canadian! We waited in line outside for much longer than I would have liked, but oh well.

Gregg and I hit up the bar first thing, which is totally out of character for me, but Gregg needed to spend a minimum of $10 for the credit card machine, so I got one anyway. The first two bands were lame, but the second band's bass and drums were so loud, I could feel it vibrate in my teeth. Awesome! That is until TBM came on. Oh my GOD! I have NEVER felt bass vibration in my trachea! I could hardly speak it was so huge! I LOVED it. Chibi was cute, and I got a few videos, but the sound really sucks on them thanks mostly to the GIGANTIC bass.

Anyway, after the show the band did a meet and greet at the merch table, but Gregg and I skipped out because my feet were killing me and we still had to walk a mile back to the parking garage.

That's when I saw Writer's Square after dark! Holy fun time! These really awesome guys that looked like they were having a BLAST doing their jobs, were riding bike taxis! They had HUGE grins on their faces as they'd drive bitchy drunk girls across the square! I loved them! We must have passed three or four clubs/parties. Some were really classy and dressy and others were more casual and loud, but it was BEAUTIFUL! I've never wanted to be a part of humanity more than at that moment.

Oh my gosh! It was just magical. I now understand why former Wide Receiver for the Denver Broncos, Lionel Taylor always gets excited when we mention Denver! I either need to move to Colorado, or visit all the time!

We were supposed to go to the zoo on Saturday, but I got a little sick, and we went to the mall where Gregg bought me the CUTEST raccoon hat and a gorgeous blue top. We went home (to our hotel) after I took the first Imitrex because I felt like I was going to collapse, and then we went to see Scott Pilgrim again after I felt better.

To end the trip, we went to the most awesome miniature golf course I've ever been to and we have plans to go back sometime with Wesley. I really really really want Amanda Hocking, author of the My Blood Approves series and Eric J. Goldman Amanda's gay roommate and my best male friend aside from Gregg and my cat to go with too so that I can share the magic. Also, any of my other awesome friends are invited! Although, I worry that everyone will be like, "this is super lame. I've done WAY more interesting and fun things than this!" But I never have, so I want to share.

So friends, Amanda, Eric, Jenna, Tiffany, Bronson, etc. feel free to make time to come to Colorado with me sometime. I will love to share it with you and would hope that your time had would be just as great as mine and in a fantasy world you would ALL come to live there too!


Give a Hoot, Don't Pollute.

Ok, so I know this isn't the most original post to ever exist, but I was inspired today.

I took the last final of the summer semester and promptly came home and started to get rid of all the papers I had collected since May. I try to recycle everything I can. Unless it takes too much energy for me to walk to the recycling bin and the garbage is closer. Anyway, I decided to recycle an entire notebook, but I didn't know what to do with the spiral. So first of all, I am NEVER buying spiral notebooks ever again. In fact, it's only going to be binders and loose leaf paper from now on. Also, I am not making any suggestions as to what to do with the spiral, cos I'm not the artsy crafty kind of person others can be. I just cut it up into little pieces so it wouldn't get caught on some little birdies foot, or something ridiculous like that. So the moral of the story is, please recycle. Because this heat is getting old.

Don't you remember when we were kids and we'd lie on the lawn and stare up at the clouds and try to make shapes of them? It's too hot to do that now. Humans have GOT to make a change. Can't you tell the earth is angry? I am really trying here. I'm a vegetarian, I recycle as much as I can, I am going to start taking the bus to school, I buy reusable containers for water, and generally only drink water so there are not cans or bottles to rinse and recycle. I also own reusable bags and I intend to use them more because I realize the waste just from the bags we get from the store. It's terrible and heart braking that the most intelligent beings on earth are being the dumbest.

I can't do this alone though, so I encourage anyone who reads this post to try something at least start recycling. There are places around town that you can drop off your recycling, and some of you are lucky enough that someone will pick up the recycling. A reusable water bottle is an easy thing to do, and they make brushes that fit inside those little sigg bottles so that you can clean them. So even if you wanted to put soda in there, there's a scrub brush to use to clean it out so it doesn't start to stink.

I really could go on and on about this subject, but I really don't want to annoy you, so I will stop there. Just give it some thought.



I have created this, and I will post things that are way more interesting. But later. Thanks.