Face-cation

I am making a surprise appearance on my lonely blog, but only because I am taking an indefinite break from Facebook. I'll still abuse twitter though! :)

So here are a few things that are happening right now:

For the past month or so, I've been prepping to come to Minnesota for my dear friend, Jenna Mae's wedding. I've been learning to drive a manual since we are planning on taking Gregg's car up, and I've been practicing walking in 5 inch heels since my bff Amanda was nice enough to give me a pair of them. I know that sort of sounds like a silly thing, but that's just the way I am, and the way I roll.

Other things have been happening as well. I currently have 250 days left until I GRADUATE from college. I cannot wait! College has been driving me crazy as of late! I guess going for so long will eventually burn you out. I've been on a 2 week vacation from it that started last week, and for the week we're in Minnesota I will have an extra week-long break from it, so that will be nice, but I will probably still be scrambling to get my work done at the very last minute. This semester I have 5 classes: Business Law, Business Procedures, Advanced Word Processing, Excel, and some health information class.

Other amazing things in my life have happened while I was gone. I went to Las Vegas with my friends. Amanda was kind enough to pay to get us there and take us out and about. I loved it! I wanted to stay there! I'm going back for my birthday because I want to see Peep Show and since I was born in Las Vegas, I thought it would be cool if I were there on my birthday.

I made a quick, quiet visit to a secret location to help celebrate Amanda's birthday this year as well. It was fun and I'm ever so grateful that I could make the trip.

Right now I've got a few projects planned for when I'm done with school and Gregg and I move back up to Minnesota. I want to take some baking classes and open my own bakery/cafe, and of course I haven't given up on the desire to make those wonderful little hats. I've actually got some designs down in a book and I'm going to start working on them once I have the time and the money, but that also all depends on whether or not I get the business I want to have off the ground.

I've also been trying a vegan lifestyle, although, there are parts of it that are really tough. I currently sponsor a cow named Mercy at The Gentle Barn out in California, and he and his story really inspire me not to consume dairy products, since he himself is a product of the dairy industry. 3 of his brothers were also rescued and I will make sure to link the video of their rescue here at the end of this post.

That brings me to why exactly I need a break from Facebook...

I know that I personally added each person to my friends list, sometimes out of courtesy, sometimes out of pity...and I'm not saying that I think this about all of my friends, or even a large amount of them...I'm just saying a select few have just gotten on my nerves so badly lately that it makes me want to scream. I post things about eating vegan foods and why exactly I want to be vegan and meat eaters jump down my throat and then tell me their pity stories about why they could never be vegan. I've said it before here, I don't fucking care if you don't want to be vegan or vegetarian. I don't want to hear your excuses. Do whatever the fuck you want to do. I mean, yeah there are things that factory farming is doing to the environment, so it does technically directly affect me, but otherwise, I'm not the one you're hurting. Educate YOURSELF instead of hounding me for information as to why vegan or vegetarian lifestyles are better. I'm not a fucking library or the internet, and both of those things are filled with some wonderful information.

I mean, yes, I know that I should be able to explain to you why I have decided to do what I do, but I'm no good at explaining things. I'm too lazy and forgetful to explain to you what exactly is the problem.

And also, like I've said a trillion times...fuck PETA. They're probably the worst source for people who want to be veg.

Another reason I'm breaking from Facebook is because I'm sick to death of political opinions. I want to flea the country. I want to go to some utopia in which politics doesn't exist. I'm sick of republicans and their shite opinions. I'm sick of people reposting how stupid Michele Bachmann is. I'm sick of people saying that Barack has done a terrible job and that we "need to take away his blank check" and how our taxes are so high already and we shouldn't be taxed more. Fuck the United States. Fuck their redneck opinions about everything.

I might be biased because I'm not completely poor. I'm not waiting in some unemployment line, I live in one of the nicest apartments in Rio Rancho (not that that's saying much), I eat well, I have a gym membership, I can afford to pay my credit cards and I have internet and phone services, I have air conditioning, and I get to visit my friends several times a year. Most of that isn't even paid for by me. I'm incredibly lucky! Incredibly so! I try hard not to take those things for granted! I know that Amanda could get pissed at me and stop bringing me to see her and our other friends, or taking me out to eat, or taking me to a show or 3. I know that my husband could lose his job, and we wouldn't be able to afford rent or all our delicious food. I know that my mom could easily get tired of paying for me to go to the gym or for watching the dogs every day.

To the universe, I am grateful for everything that I have in life. I am grateful to my friends and family for supporting me as much as they can. And as soon as I get a job, I can't wait to treat them to things. I can't wait to pay taxes and to help my husband pay for groceries and rent or mortgage. I can't wait to be able to afford my own phone bill or my own gym membership. And I'm going to be so glad when I can pay my own way to see people I love. My hope is that I will be able to make enough money so that I can even pay Amanda back. At least for some of what I have received from her.

I'm blessed. I know that the universe will take care of me.

Here is a link to the rescue of "my" cow and his brothers:

Mad as a Hatter...

I have always been sort of oblivious to the existence of hats. I never thought they looked attractive on me, so I don't think to buy them, and I don't really notice when other people are wearing them. With the recent news of William and Catherine getting married in England, they started making a big fuss about the fascinators and hats that Kate was wearing.

Vivien Sheriff is a famed British milliner, and she made a guest appearance on the Today show the week of the wedding. Before THAT moment, I had no idea how fabulous the world of hats was. Since then I have become obsessed. I bought a $125 fascinator from Jen Clark at Head Full of Feathers - a shop you can visit on ETSY. The hats she makes and sells are absolutely stunning for the price.

Although I was really riding along this bandwagon of hats, I just couldn't find that many hats that I absolutely LOVED for the price, so I started looking into making my own. I've gone through a bunch of websites and instructional videos, and I have even bought a book. I am REALLY excited to start on this journey of hat making, and I hope that one day I can call myself a milliner.

I would LOVE to find a class in my area, but it seems nearly impossible. I will keep looking though! Even if I have to take day trips to other cities in America just to get some of these courses under my belt.

A Decision and a Goal

I have decided to be happy with my AAS in Medical Office Technology. Which I'm fairly certain is just like being an administrative assistant. I've also made myself several reachable goals with time limits. One of my goals is to work on my artwork. I want to make an online comic, I think. It won't make me any money (probably) but at least I will entertain people. And that is something that I want to do. I'm really excited.

Other goals include:

• Getting healthier - I already go to the gym generally 3-6 times per week and I just recently started trying to eat better. I'm trying hard to get more fruits and veg. My biggest goals with that are to make sure I get enough protein and fiber. I can take a vitamin for much of the rest I suppose.
• Get a job - I want to get a job by fall after I get my transcription certificate. I'm going to stay in school to finish my AAS, but I would like to work while I finish since I won't be getting nearly as much for Student Aid. At this point, I want to start paying off my student loans that I've already accumulated and start saving for a down-payment for a car and eventually a house when Gregg and I move to wherever it is that we will move. (Either Colorado Springs or Burnsville or Mankato Minnesota)
• Share my money - I know that I won't make a ton of money as and administrative assistant or in transcription, but I do want to use some of my money to share with organizations like the ASPCA, Animal Humane Society, and St. Jude.

I still don't really know where I stand with planning children. I want them, but not for awhile, and I want to make sure I can support their dreams so that they don't end up being 27 and having an identity crisis.

So, yay! Thank God for goals and things! That's always fun!

New Year, New You, Right?

So the new year is upon us. I don't know if you know this about me, but I am a big fan of numerology. This year is a personal 5 year for me, and I am a 5 life path. This year is supposed to be somewhat magical for me. The last 5 year I experienced was 2002, and everything in my life seemed to settle, despite moving across the country twice. It was the last time I remember loving my life regardless of what else was happening.

Also, I'm one to stick to my New Year's Resolutions. My secret - I make them doable and I make sure it's something I actually want to do. I've been tweaking them here and there as I get comfortable in this new year. Here are four of them:

1) Be nicer to my mom's dog Boo Boo. She's really stupid and a huge attention hog, but this year I have resolved to stop calling her dumb.
2) Stop chewing my lips. This was one of my New Year's Resolutions years ago and I did stop, but then I started dating Gregg and he chewed on his lips all the time, so I started again.
3) Figure out what I'm doing with my life. I know, you're probably sick of hearing about it, so you won't hear it much after this.
4) Make myself proud. Simple as that. I'm sick of being disappointed in myself.

Those are the top ones for the year. And on January 14, it will be my third anniversary of being a vegetarian. Proof that I do, indeed stick to my new year's resolutions.

Also, this is a personal 5 year for my good friend Amanda Hocking as well. Who is also a 5 life path. I'm really excited for her because this year should be a really successful year for her as well.

So far there are four major things happening this year for me, and if those are all that happen, I will still be happy and consider this year a success.

1) Amanda and Eric are coming down to visit us. I haven't seen them in over two years! They are truly my best friends, and I am so excited to be able to see them so soon.
2) Tiffany, my sister-in-law, is coming down here to visit in March. Tiffany is also one of my favorite people in this world, so of course I will be glad to see her too.
3) I will be graduating in August with a certificate in Medical Transcription, so I can start working before I get my Associates degree. Of course, depending on whether or not I finally decide what I am doing with my life, I might stop there. I'm not really interested in being an administrative assistant, but I do want to be versatile.
4) My good friend Jenna Petersen will be marrying her fiance, Matthew Talmadge on September 4, and I get to go up to Minnesota to attend their wedding. this is exciting because I LOVE weddings, and I love my friends. Plus, then I will be able to make quick visits with my family that are there too.

Oh, I'm just so excited for this year!

Thirteen Days!

In less than two weeks, I will be 27 years old. I LOVE celebrations so I'm pretty excited. Especially when I'm celebrating me or love. Which is why St. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. I am not excited however, because I am still without a career choice. Although, I've been looking into some...I think I might just go for money, because I always thought, if I can't be happy at work, I might as well be happy at home. And I know that money doesn't buy happiness, but it buys things that make me happy. So, I was thinking about podiatry or optometry because you have to go to school way less time for those professions than you would to be a doctor. Plus, optometry would be so much fun! Don't you think?! Okay, I might be glamorizing it in my head a bit too much...but we'll see.

Career research...

Edited...

Since my breakdown yesterday, I've been doing some career research. But I have to narrow it down, of course.

I'm not really sure what I WILL end up doing, but I think I definitely want to learn to speak French fluently. That way when I have to move to Canada, I'll be prepared. Haha! Plus, then no matter what career I follow, I will have an advantage in being bilingual. I think I might learn more sign language as well...yes. That is what I am going to do do. French...it didn't take Bronson that long to at least sound like he knew the language well. I'm not quite as quick at learning though. Then I think I want to learn lots about animals and forests. I could be a lumberjack in Canada! <3 Mmmm maple syrup!!! I could just do what I'm going to school for now, and continue just learning at the same time. I wish school didn't cost money though. It should be free for people who just feel like learning lots of things with no intent to make a career out of it. But if I did learn about animals and forests, I could be a forest/wildlife ranger. That would be a hoot! :) I DO love animals. However, I don't know how my knowledge of the French language would help me with animals. Oh well. I do what I want.

I don't know, but I'm kind of excited now. I think I would have to wait until Gregg goes back for Networking. They make tons of money. I hope he decides to, but I want the career before the kids I think. Even though I am running short on time. I do worry sometimes about bringing kids into this world though, so...I think this is the safe way to run it for now.

Feelings About Things

Let me start off by saying, "Welcome to my pity party."

Now, I was just trying to type myself a bio, but then I remembered that my life isn't all that interesting. I've had aspirations throughout my life just like any other human being, but I feel like I'm getting too old, I'm not smart enough, and my interests are so scattered that I can't follow just one dream of mine. It sucks feeling stuck like this. I wonder if I had been encouraged more to do particular things from my family and friends if I would have been happy with where I'm at and what I've done. I will take one negative comment, and then everything will suddenly disappear from my mind as if it had never been a desire in the first place. Like I'm admitting defeat before even trying. I'm good at being a vegetarian, but you can't make a career out of that. I can sing, but I'm too old to try out for American Idol, and even if I had there are many better singers out there than me. I can design things in my mind, and sometimes on paper, but I can't sew and I don't know who on earth would buy my designs, or how to go about doing such a thing.

I remember Amanda writing about her knowing at a very young age that she wanted to be an author and that she had finally made it, and at that very moment, my heart lunged into my gut and I realized that when I was 5, I cared about boys and things that were beautiful and that was basically it. When I was 7, I told my mom I wanted to be a lawyer and she told me that lawyers are dishonest and no one liked them. When I was 12 I wanted to be an architect, but I hate math and I doubt that I'm that creative. When I was 15 I wanted to be a rock star. I still do, but I know it's next to impossible.

Also, I'm in love with humanity and when I think about things that I want to do that I have a talent for, I've always shoved it aside if one of my friends or family were pursuing that dream first. I don't want to compete with my loved ones for the same thing. I couldn't do that to them. You know, steal their dreams.

Now, I want to go to school for something my dreams are begging for, but like I said, I feel like I'm getting too old. I would consider architecture, or something that I have a natural talent for, but I don't feel like those talents are strong enough, and I HAVE to wait until I'm finished with school for what I'm attending now so that I can make money to support my own ass. I don't want to depend on my husband and student loans all my life. I don't want to be so far in debt.

Yes, I'm a jealous person. I'm jealous of everyone's success. I kind of wish I had a second chance at life, and a LOT more time, but if I ever want kids...I feel like I will never be as successful as I've always dreamed of being. I'm almost 30! I have 3 years left until I need to start considering children. I don't want my kids to have the "old mom" of the class. But maybe I don't want kids. I mean, I feel a lot of pressure from some people around me to have kids, but I never thought I would be a very good mom. I'm really selfish and I have a short temper. But I want to name a little girl Mae Anberlin Emery. It's the best name EVER! Her initials would be the same as her whole first name, and her whole name is made up of Christian rock bands. But also, I'm worried if I did have kids, I would have a boy first and I really only want one kid. I would adopt a child, but every time I think about adopting kids, I get this crushing feeling in my gut that I could only love someone that came from me and Gregg with that kind of...kinship. It wouldn't be the same. I want one girl of my own or nothing at all.

Oh, this conundrum I've gotten myself into. How will I ever straighten this out?

I'm actually sad now.